Rebirth...in birria ramen form...
When cooking was more than just cooking...
Last Sunday, I threw my first supperclub of the year. The last one I did was back in December 2022 which was the same month the Ex decided he was ending our 16 year long relationship. I almost canceled that one because I couldn’t stop crying, incapable of even just sitting down and writing a prep list. I remember the hour-long drive to the venue that day. I cried off and on during that drive. Every time a love song would come on with lyrics along the lines of ‘you’re always the one I love’ or ‘we made it through thick and thin’ the tears would fall. It was kind of pathetic if I’m being honest, haha. It felt like I was 13 years old again, when Jacob Harrington broke up with me right before the weekend. We had a very significant relationship for 2 weeks. I thought we were going to ‘go the distance’ cuz that’s what you believe when you’re 13 and know fuck all. I spent that whole weekend listening to Bryan Adams songs and cried every single time Everything I do, I do it for you played on the walkman.
The last two weeks have been very testing. I had my first joint mediation with the Ex. If you don’t know what it is, like I didn’t, it is a structured process where you and the other party negotiate and try to resolve disputes and communicate in a constructive way, all with a neutral third party present. Not a lawyer, but someone who is familiar with family laws and their role is to ensure the meetings are fair, both parties get their voice heard and hopefully agree on an informal contract. It is entirely voluntary but I’ve been told it will become mandatory at some point because too many disputes are flooding the court system when most of them could be resolved in mediation.
The Ex and I have entered mediation because we currently do not have any kind of childcare and financial plan set in place. I am still taking care of the kids 90% of the time and The Ex wants to split the financial responsibility 50/50. I mean, I know I’m pretty good when it comes to problem solving but even I can’t pull extra hours out of my ass so I can work enough to pay for that 50% while still taking care of the kids full time. So yeah, it’s been an absolute hoot in this household!
You might then ask, why in God’s name would I throw a supperclub in the midst of the chaos?
Truth is, I needed the distraction. I needed something to keep me from spiraling, worrying about all the things out of my control. I needed to shift my focus to something positive that would bring me joy. Basically, I needed a fucking win.
The collaboration with my friend Karla had been spoken about since last year. However, many things have happened since then and my self-esteem dropped astronomically. Not just the confidence of being a mom, a woman, a partner but even in cooking. I just felt like I had nothing good to give because if I had, maybe The Ex wouldn’t have left me. Of course, that’s stupid…but doesn’t mean I didn’t think it.
I wouldn’t have never greenlit the event had my friend E not pressed the imaginary Go button by saying, ‘either you do it now or you’re never going to do it. Which one is it?’ We sat in the park that afternoon, our children running amok in the playground and I stared at my calendar and said to E, I have 10 days. 10 days to sell tickets, to plan a menu, to shop, to prep and to execute. How the fuck am I suppose to do it in 10 days?! While still tending to the kids?! I listed all the potential but very real obstacles. E listened then said, ‘because you’ll do it. Because you’re going to go home today, create the event, post it tomorrow and that’s it. That’s what you’re going to do, otherwise I’m going to kick your ass.’ Fine…I said, begrudgingly…I contacted my other friend M who owns the venue (Sambal Shiok Laksa Bar, by the way, awesome, you should go) and booked it. I went home that night, did exactly what E said…and we were on our way…
I wish I could tell you it all went like clockwork but when has that ever happened to me?! Oh no. The Gods decided to throw a few curveballs at me…and possibly put on some bets on how many whacks me on the head…my youngest had contracted a bug, again. Then he gave it to me…for the first part of the week, we were both in bad shape. Fortunately, the eldest was on her residence trip so at least I only had one child to take care of. Several sleepless nights, laundry, showers, tears, on repeat…for about 3 days…any spare time and moments of clarity I had, it went into planning and promoting the upcoming event. I honestly didn’t think I could pull it off.
But oh my God, did we! We fed 30 hungry guests and I saw so many happy faces, heard so many laughs and it brought me so so much joy! From prepping with Karla in the morning, blasting salsa music on the speakers, to dishing out the final bowl of birria ramen and saying goodbye to the last guests…every single moment of that day was rebuilding my confidence…bit by bit, I started to feel like my old self…
We knew we wanted to have a menu that combined both of our cultures in ways that felt natural and not contrived. We discussed the menu back and forth for at least a good 6 months and we both agreed that the main event had to be Birria ramen because of how close it resembled Taiwanese beef noodle soup. Everything else just felt into place.
Karla’s Aguachile de Camarón was perfectly refreshing alongside my iconic Taiwanese fried chicken. My dad’s favorite izakaya snack, Sesame Age Gobo (crispy burdock roots) with Karla’s tangy and spicy Salsa Cremosa Taquera went down so well, a guest said we should trademark the combination! The side dishes accompanying the intense beefy birria were all labors of love. Like the addictive Mayak Eggs, marinated for 24 hrs to get that beautiful brown exterior and the homemade braised dou gan and sea kelp that took 2 days to prepare!
Last but not least, we finished off with a bang! The Horchata Shaved Snow. I knew I wanted a dessert that joined our cultures. Years ago, I tried horchata shaved snow in San Francisco and it stuck with me. Horchata is traditionally made with rice milk with hints of cinnamon and vanilla. I made ours with almond milk because I liked the nutty flavor. I was lucky enough to have a friend to lend me her shaved snow machine which made the whole process a breeze. Each bowl was garnished with toasted flaked almonds, fancy French chocolate chips from Callebaut and lastly, the best thing ever, torched plantain with caramelized sugar. Everything went together so beautifully, I’m patting myself on the back hard for this one!
I pulled off an event in 10 days, with sickness, mediation, coparenting, therapies all thrown into the mix but I survived. I’m so proud of myself and I am so grateful to all the help and support I received from my tribe.
I refuse to let this break up define me…I am not the pathetic person that I thought I was just a few months ago.
I am capable. I am empowered. I am NOT broken.
Till next time,
Tiff
I am so happy someone “force” you and you took the challenge. When it rains it pours but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. After Leo, I felt so drained and broken. Postpartum depression is no joke. But with family and friends we starts seeing lights in the end of tunnel. Tiff you got this, god is watching you and you are damn wonderful woman. I see growth and potential in you.👍🙌🙏
Woohooo! Yes girl!